Conchy’s Famous “Works” Burger (Or Famous “Works” Cheeseburger)
If you don’t want the “works” on your burger, 1950’s drive-in style, don’t order one of these! We season half a pound of cheap ground chuck with eleven secret herbs and spices, fry it up in a pan full of grease and serve it on a stale sesame seed bun with mustard, ketchup, mayonnaise, pickles, lots of thin sliced onions, lettuce and tomato. That’s the only way we serve it. Well, there is one option: Cheddar cheese, i.e. the Famous “Works” Cheeseburger. And you can order it cooked anyway you like: rare, rare medium rare, medium rare, medium rare medium, medium, medium well, well medium well or burned to a crisp. You’ll get it cooked medium (or thereabouts) no matter how you order it, but you can order it anyway you like – after all, it’s a free country, right? These are the only options: Cheeseburger or no Cheeseburger. Any other changes would destroy the integrity of this resurrected American Icon, and we won’t let this happen, we don’t care how important you are! We have clout too, we know someone whose brother’s wife is best friends with ex-Vice Pres. Dan Quayle’s mother-in-law, so don’t try to make us change this burger. No “hold the pickles” here, this ain’t no Mickey D’s, dig? (That’s fifties talk). As Sheriff Taylor put it, “Gooooodburger!”
Warning: These burgers are not recommended for people or farm animals with high blood pressure, heart disease, bad choppers, gastiophlabbilicktus or political ambitions. Also, they’re messy, sloppy and they’ll get greasy juice all over your hands, chin and clothes- Conchy Joe’s will not be held responsible!